The Bad Touch

Warning: this article has content not suitable for children. Unless you let your children watch R-rated movies, then... never mind, that is probably way worse than this article.

I recently had a conversation with a fellow bleeder and they asked me an intriguing question. They asked if my wife and I had discussed my hemophilia before we made our son. I really had not realized the importance of having the conversation until I replied “no, not really.” I mean I understood it was important but my children were not going to be directly affected by bleeding. If you are familiar with the process: when two people really love each other, or they're both hammered out of their minds and feel lonely, they usually have some bad touches in places we are not allowed to talk about in public. Although, keep in mind, once people get married they do not really have bad touches anymore.

A quick genetic lesson: Males have an X and a Y chromosome and females have two X chromosomes. Hemophilia follows the X chromosome. I have hemophilia, therefore my son is not affected, although probably a little weird since I made half of him. If I had a girl (which I will not) she would be a carrier. Since none of the carriers in my family exhibit any symptoms (except in very extreme cases) more than likely my daughter would not have any concerns until she was ready to have children. It would not be until she was 40 because no one will be good enough (I am supposed to say that because the media and movies say I should).

So once my wife learned that our children would not bleed, there was basically a contest to see who could get naked first. I was not really excited at the time to have a kid but remember, once you are married, you don’t have bad touch. I was going to take complete advantage of these opportunities. Although in the end she really took advantage of my weak mind and desire to have sex multiple times in a 4-day span.

We did not really have the “conversation” after we got married though; it was way before when we were still friends. It is crazy to think, but what if she asked those questions and my answer could have determined a number of things. What if I said they would bleed everywhere? What if she did not like my answer and it resulted in her getting crazy with my friend(s) down the hall, completely ignoring me. On one hand my life would be much simpler now, but I would not have all of the wonderful memories. I do not think it is too far-fetched because I know a couple that had second thoughts about having children once they learned she was a carrier. I mean, you are bringing a child into the world that you know is going to have it harder than a child without a bleeding disorder. Now, I am not saying that it doesn’t make them stronger and/or a better person having the adversity, but it will be harder.

So I do not have a good ending to this snippet of my life. I should have had a more serious conversation with my wife when we were planning parenthood. I have always thought about only having boys because it seems easier in multiple aspects than dealing with drama (girls). Hemophilia stopped in my uncle’s family and he does not seem too bummed about not having a spoiled girl in the house. Is it despicable for me to wish for boys so I do not pass it on? I want the best for my children and their children and so forth with that crap. However, at the same time, I like the idea of having a special connection with my grandson. Being able talk about the good old days when I forgot to order factor and letting my ankle swell until there was enough pressure to stop the bleeding on its own. Discussing the difficulties and benefits and being a first-hand resource for my grandson would be unexplainably awesome. However, they would still have hemophilia.

I guess I could write out a pros and cons list, but that seems so logical and Vulcan-like. I was hoping so badly to have a son the first go around I tried to gamma ray my female sperm so I would have a boy. Who knows, maybe I accidently ended up doing it with microwaves or by having a cell phone in my pocket. However, the question still has not been answered and I cannot really come up with an honest answer. Although my wife says it is surprising because she thinks I am too honest and I should lie more. I am planning on taking full advantage of that verbal mistake she made, but do not know where to start first (tapping fingers together in succession and creepy chuckle). I guess for now I will enjoy the smile my son brings and worry about the next reason to start drinking when my wife wants another baby. I do know that this time, there will definitely be a more involved discussion about having a baby. Especially using reverse cowgirl and handcuffs…